"I am again feeling the pressure of needing to live a "normal" lifestyle..." I wrote this in my journal as I was praying this morning, in a cushy green chair in Abilene, Texas. Lastnight I had the privelege of meeting many of Laura's good friends for dinner at an authentic Texas BBQ house.

None of them left me felling like I needed to have a steady income but I felt the question stir inside myself - Am I really called by the Lord to live as a missionary? 

The allure of a cushy life begins again....It would be easier for me to not come home and deal with this, yet I have fulfillment in knowing that I have been chosen for having a part in the Lord's work in other countries...at least for this part of my life.

He has captured me during the past two years; I am now His for the moving. I never imagined that is what these past two years would be about, breaking the little lambs foot so that the shepherd could carry it close and teach it to how to love him, and when it is healed and can walk again it will stay near the shepherd.

(like the two rainbows, God's promises of guiding us and using us in this life are there for us. Sometimes my vision is blurred, other times I feel He shells out more grace for me to see His moving)

"Do I really believe and know that the Lord has called me to live a life that is fully dependant on the Lord in every way, in every area looking to Him for the filing and giving of my needs, dreams, and desires?.......... Yes He has called me into complete submission, complete dependency, completely trusting Him with my life."  As I smiled and wrote this in my blue "2005 Adventures in Mission" conference journal another question came in. "Am I there? Is there evere a point of being completely "there?" Do I depend on Him fully? What areas am I still self sufficient?" I think Moses was there, maybe others like Paul and Peter, of course Jesus was the ultimate example.

I know this, that by His grace I am closer to the Lord Jesus Christ today than I was last year....that's my Christmas present :)

Merry Christmas to all my friends around the world and back home (I'll see you guys soon), may the Lord Jesus draw you ever nearer to Himself as you deliberately put yourself in His way. Peace and Love!